PS: Reminder you don't have to do it all alone ...
👇🏽✨What I learned in the last year as a recovering hyper independent person who hated asking for help and lessons you can apply to your own life 👇🏽✨
Hey builder,
I want to share with you something that I've learned throughout my journey and has been on my mind lately. The healing power of community and the importance of asking for help.
As I finish drafting this Brave by Sara Bareilles popped on my playlist with that and a key part that resonated and sums up what I want to say here
“Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave”
Today’s life story to connect the dots
As a child, I always loved observing people and their interactions, trying to understand how I fit into the big scheme of things. Growing up in one of the most diverse places in the world, Queens, NY, and having a curious mind that easily identifies patterns, made me fascinated by different groups' customs, cultures, and languages.
This curiosity led me to make one of the biggest life-changing decisions of my life. Even though I had a 3.9 GPA and loved chemistry and understanding it, I did not see myself doing it for the rest of my life. Instead, I chose to follow my interest in cultural anthropology, which eventually led me to travel to 26 different countries.
One of the places that impacted me the most was Kosovo, where I studied post-war conflict and genocide. Despite the dark and terrible things that I learned about humanity, this experience opened me up to the collective notion of community and how we heal through this collective memory and through truly connecting.
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself in Mexico for six months, trying to self-isolate from my pain and trauma anniversary. I had learned to hide away from these feelings, thinking that I had to do the hard work alone. But I slowly started opening up to people and letting them know that this time was difficult for me. However, most people don't like to deal with sad people, and I learned that it's best to put on a happy mask instead of being vulnerable.
I was raised to pray, so I thought that meditation would be a good substitute. But it didn't necessarily save me. So I decided to write and process my feelings, thinking that I could do it alone in a beach town. However, I realized that I was a sad girl who cried and had deep sad feelings that most people couldn't hold space for because they didn't know how to hold space for themselves.
But then I met people who had undergone things I thought were unspeakable, and they confided and trusted in me. At that moment, I saw myself, and I realized that I did not have to be hurt alone. The universe sent people my way, so I wasn't alone, even though that is what I thought I needed.
I learned that I could ask for help and that I didn't have to be so strong all the time. Being a person who loves to help and be there for others, I realized that I could ask the same of others. By asking for help, I allowed someone else to experience the joy I feel when I am of service. By asking for help in my healing journey, I found that I could connect with others and that the power of community is a vital tool in our healing process.
I started trusting my therapist and opening up about things I had previously avoided years prior with other therapists. I accepted I could not manage my ADHD through medication and books alone and hired an ADHD coach. I opened up publically even online about my ADHD and found fellow entrepreneurs, friends, family, and people I didn’t realize also were having similar challenges and felt less alone.
I asked for friends to just spend time with me, to just be there, and realized even these seemingly small things that had been so hard for me to ask before were becoming easier.
I let myself a date, I let myself have boundaries, I created new standards for myself and I allowed myself open to love and care.
I let myself cry, I finally found a group that understood my unique experience as an ex-evangelical and deconstructed in the community.
In relationships with others, I realized I had changed my own relationships to things that had once scared me and taken so much power. I stopped needing to drink to have fun or be in social settings.
I realized that yes, hurt people hurt people but people who are committed to their own healing, heal others.
And sometimes, when I start to feel better and okay I fall into these moments and traps that “Okay, I’m good I don’t need help anymore” but have realized - we always do. We aren’t meant to do life alone.
And reflecting on this reminded me why almost a decade ago I even made my first blog post, I felt so alone it was my little bat signal out there to just see if anyone else “got me” and life has proven to me - yea we have a lot more in common and we need each other.
It reminds me why I do everything I do - not just to provide and serve others but through service hold space for past versions of me that needed it and through that others can feel seen.
In the last 9 months, I teamed up with Tiffany, my former ADHD Coach and we developed our Breakthrough to Soar ADHD Group Coaching program. This alone has taught me the healing power of asking for help, of us knowing when to ask each other when we need help, to know when we need to hire an expert to take over a part we aren’t the best at. More so hearing learners share in a space with no judgment but radical acceptance and all of us feel seen, learning more about our brains and knowing - we don’t have to do this alone.
This leaves me thinking - often by staying alone by trying to do it all ourselves we block not only our own healings/blessings whatever you want to call it but others.
So I ask you, what do you have to gain by doing it all alone?
The reality is we don’t get a trophy for struggling, but we have all to gain by taking a tiny step toward helping ourselves.
How I can walk alongside this journey together
ADHD Transformational Group Coaching with Tifffany ADDCA Certified ADHD Coach and myself. Our next cohort will be September 2023 .
Are you an entrepreneur, creative, or remote worker struggling with ADHD, burnout, or feeling overwhelmed? Take advantage of a complimentary 30-minute action-oriented coaching call with me to build customized systems for your unique brain. Don't wait, as this is the last month I will be offering free sessions. Book now before I start charging!"
Want to collaborate, need a podcast guest, or work together in a different capacity? Reply back directly to this email and let me know!
Until next week - a reminder we don’t have to do. it alone!
Joy Valerie Carrera