😻The five important lessons I learned on 30 dates since turning 30👇🏽
Open up for my random AF unconventional life & biz coaching approach by sharing my life lessons from my most random adventures.. oh and a flash sale. 👇🏽Open for the 🍵
Dear Builders,
When I turned 29, I made a joke to my friend about going on 30 dates and writing a book about it. I wanted to explore my likes and dislikes by swiping on every guy- a little experiment for my very sometimes too overly analytical and data-driven brain.
But as I approached 30, I realized I wanted someone to share my adventures with and build a life together. However, I had little dating experience, going from intense relationships to complicated situations to nothing at all. So Here's my story...
Errr - but first, I want to apologize for my absence if you've been missing my weekly emails. I got sick, and changes throw me off balance due to my espicy brain. Nevertheless, I'm back on track.
Instead of pre-scheduling these newsletters, I prefer to send them intuitively based on what I feel needs to be shared each week. During the summer, I'll aim for a biweekly schedule, with occasional extras if I have the energy.
Okay now, let's dive into the real reason you're here…
The backstory: In my 20s, I was obsessed with traveling, building my career, and creating the life I wanted. I was trying to be perfect in every way, following societal expectations. However, I was miserable. After leaving a 5-year relationship and going through a traumatic experience, I decided it was my turn to take control.
I became overly focused on traveling and my career, adopting a mindset of "catch flights, not feelings." I became emotionally unavailable better known as colloquially the ultimate f*ck girl or la toxica.
I closed myself off to potential real relationships and instead decided to start considering dating at 30…. yes I literally made a timeline on my life -_-
Then the pandemic hit, making it even easier for me to avoid dating. But as I approached 30, I realized I had achieved most of my 20s bucket list. So, I decided to give myself a chance.
Embarking on this journey wasn't as easy as I thought. I had to change my perspective on relationships and also on myself, drinking, business, sex, money, ADHD, and most of all feelings (yuck).
Dating over the past almost two years taught me more about myself than I expected.
Here are five key lessons I learned that apply to every aspect of life
Perfection isn't real: Unattainable standards for myself are also extended to potential partners. I learned to set reasonable expectations and accept imperfections, both in myself and in others. As my therapist reminded me - if it seems “too perfect” they might just be lying to you - people are imperfect but that’s what makes them great.
Have fun: Dating shouldn't feel like a chore. I started treating it as an opportunity for adventure and enjoyment. Even if the date didn't lead to a long-term relationship, I made sure to have a good time.
Embrace feelings: As someone with impulse control issues, this was a challenge. I had to learn to slow down and not rush into things 😅. Understanding my body's signals became crucial, I had been so disconnected from my body that this became the ultimate test for me to allow myself to feel.
Trust then verify: Trusting my body's sensations allowed me to get curious about the underlying reasons. It helped me distinguish between genuine attraction and repeating old patterns that needed to be broken. Identifying what my toxic patterns even were - and choosing, to do differently.
Choose joy, choose yourself: I listened to my body, embraced my feelings, and knew what I wanted. I refused to settle and prioritized my non-negotiables. Choosing myself sometimes meant saying no and walking away, even when it hurt but knowing in the end I am being true to myself, my wants and my desires.
Why am I sharing this? Is it because I am very ADHD and overshare? I mean YES… AND I'm sharing these lessons because they can be applied to various areas of life.
Not because this is some beautiful love story where the girl meets the guy - nope it’s more like my wild adventure and love story (ies) where the girl … heals old wounds and chooses herself and finds what she really wants from life, open to possibilities again but not settling for less.
I have many more lessons to share, and my dream is to turn them into a book someday so I'd love to hear your thoughts. What resonated? Should I make this into a series?
Now how I can help in your day-to-day:
If you're feeling stuck and need that extra push to unlock your brain's strengths, I can assist you as a coach. I take a holistic approach to business, career, and life, meeting you where you're at to move forward in this messy journey.
In my IFC Life Coaching certification program I need to complete some complimentary coaching calls so … help me help you & Let's schedule a no-strings-attached 1 on 1 coaching call.
Time Management Flash Sale:
My wholistic time management course consists of five modules and a bonus workshop. I plan to revamp it in the fall, and as a subscriber, you'll have access to the updates. Meanwhile, Version 1 is already completed.
For the first 15 newsletter subscribers, I'm offering a flash sale at $157.
Use the code BUILDWITHJOY100 to claim your discount.
You'll have instant access to the modules, allowing you to learn at your own pace. I would greatly appreciate your feedback.
Thank you for joining me on this journey as I build openly and constantly f*ck up, pero let's enjoy and continue building together!
Hasta la proxima,
Joy Valerie